20150421

Dear 老公,

Sorry for my uncontrolled bad emotion...

As I explained, there are lots of things I put in my mind. I just want to fulfill them accordingly. But, the most important thing is that I hope by trying hard, we can have our own baby, and feed him or her up and have a wonderful and happy family. I do understand that is not easy to accomplish in a short period of time. And now, I have a job offer with so many great conditions that it seems that I have no reason to reject it. However, I just have not figured out is that proper for me to do this choice right now, at this time.

For those things bothered me a lot also included some habits we have in daily lives. As I considered, two people get together should be better than one staying alone. Because I love you, I want you to be healthy and happy.Thus, I might ask you to make some behaviors as rules to keep having a healthy life. I know I have bad characteristics that I am lacking of perseverance and strong-willed, so I want my husband to help me keep moving forwards. Somehow, it's not easy to execute it cause everyone may unwillingly to make an effort to do anything. I completely understand that, but we are two people, we should give each other soft reminding that we should care about this in order to make a better lives and better us, right ?

These days, I'm just so anxious and afraid that I might lose my hope this time...加上看到不想看到的舉到,或著應該先做的事該做而沒有做, 我實在不想講,我覺得自己好煩, 所以我選擇不眼不見為淨,或許會好一些吧. 但這都只是當鴕鳥,對兩個還要繼續走下去的人沒幫助...但我也不知道該如何做了. 看來愛情還是不能當飯吃.....這會讓我開始對這樣的婚姻生活沒有期望, 也不想主動做些什麼, 沒有兩人同心,做什麼都是多餘的...

另外, 我也開始慢慢討厭這樣的自己了, 該做的事,沒完成, 讓堅持的事,沒堅持,該要有的心態沒能保持....身材也壞了, 心態也歪了, 人也醜了....真的不喜歡這麼負面的自己....所以,沒來由的, 我開始想一個人做一些事,沒來由的, 我一點性趣都沒有, 完全興奮不起來.....真的很抱歉.....

我的人生又開始黑暗了....sorry my dearest....I do really love you....><...